You may be asking, “Stevie – now that I’ve carved a homemade pocket pussy – my very own pumpkin girlfriend – what else do I need to know and what’s next?” I’m so glad you asked!
Tips, Do’s and Don’ts and other ideas you should know!
DO Lock the door! Especially if you have a roommate! Nobody wants to see you balls deep in a pumpkin. Ok well, maybe I do. But, most importantly, your friends and family probably don’t. Hopefully.
DO NOT upcycle your pumpkin into anything else when you’re done, such as a pie. Dispose of your used pumpkin properly, people!
DO NOT put a lit candle in your pumpkin! I don’t care how festive it looks or how much you love the tradition. You do not want to have to go to the Emergency Room and explain how you singed your junk and why it is covered in pumpkin. If you must have a flickering light inside while you are knocking her up, try a flameless candle. A small one.
DO NOT steal your pumpkin from a pumpkin patch. And if you must steal your pumpkin, perhaps for financial reasons, DO NOT carve and fuck your homemade pocket pussy at the scene. Take it somewhere private – preferably your home, and fuck it there. 
DO NOT mistakenly attempt to fuck an inflatable pumpkin from your neighbor’s Halloween themed yard display. Certainly, it won’t work and you’ll get arrested. Above all, do not be like this dum dum who did just that.
Oh! And remember that pumpkin goo that you scooped out of your pumpkin? Don’t throw that away! You can make yourself a second Homemade Pocket Pussy.
A Pumpkin Fleshlight! Here’s how!
Step 1: Fill a plastic bag with your leftover pumpkin goo. Remove the seeds if you can. If you just can’t wait to get your dick in that goo, it’s fine. Most likely, it will just be a lumpier experience. One of those produce bags from the grocery store is ideal.
Step 2: Insert the bag into a tube-shaped container – a plastic tennis ball can is perfect. Don’t play tennis? I’m sure you’ll find something else. If you’ve gotten this far with me, you’re certainly resourceful! Gently place the bag of pleasure goo into your cylindrical container and leave the end hanging out, folding it over the outside of the tube.
Step 3: Next, cover the top tightly with a piece of plastic wrap or another plastic bag and secure it with a rubber band. Cut an X in the center to stick your cock into. You probably don’t need a precise girth measurement this time.
Step 4: And finally, put your cock right in and start pumping away just like you would with those expensive-ass Fleshlights! You can even warm it up in the microwave for 10 seconds (and no more)! Remember what we discussed about a trip to the ER…
Want to read more of my sex stories? You can find me here…
Think a pumpkin girlfriend would just be a mess? I happen to be 50% less messy than a pumpkin! Need a real girl instead? Call me for amazing taboo phone sex! Or, do you need a bit of my own special brand of sex therapy? Or anything else? Just call me for the best phone sex you will ever have…
