Blumpkin – The delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump.
I seriously doubt that I needed to provide a definition on this one, but. Who knows – there may be ONE guy out there somewhere that is NOT obsessed with the idea of a girl giving him a blumpkin! What is it about this, guys, that turns you on so much? A girl’s mouth – on YOUR dick – while you’re taking a shit.
I don’t get it? But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t come in handy! See, there’s this bitch that works at the bar with me as a waitress. She was always flirting with my BBC lover Davon, which pissed me off. Sure, we aren’t committed, and sure, we fuck other people – sometimes in front of each other! But this girl is a total SKANK. Also, I’m pretty sure she sneaks behind the bar and gets into my register, because when she works, my drawer somehow ALWAYS comes up short. Stealing money, trying to steal cock. This bitch has GOT to go!
Now Davon and I had the “blumpkin talk” a long time ago. It was one of the only sexual acts he had yet to cross off of his bucket list. BUT… we talked about it, and he decided the act was beneath his perfect white princess. He wanted a blumpkin. I wanted this skank ho out of my bar! SO. I smelled a chance to kill 2 birds with one stone, and I decided to set it up! Davon is ALWAYS up for being my accomplice in my dirty little plots, so once I filled him in, he was all for it! (I’m sure getting to cross that smelly blumpkin obsession off the bucket list provided extra incentive!)
This bitch, Kim is her name, came into work one night, and as planned, Davon started to flirt with her. She had been trying to come onto him, without success, for nearly 8 months now. Yet she wasn’t smart enough to buy a clue about why he was suddenly so interested! (And they call ME a dumb blonde!) Throughout the night, he kept slipping her shots of tequila. By the end of our shift she was walking sideways! All the patrons were gone for the night – Davon leaned her against the door frame to the break room, and she smirked at me as I passed by with the mop, cleaning up. I laughed silently to myself. Especially when I saw him leading her to the back of the break room, where the bathroom is located. He had a bottle of Patron in one hand, and gave me a wink as he shoved her into the bathroom and shut the door so they could be “alone”.
Now, like a good little barkeeper, I did all my chores and prep work for the next shift – all the while keeping my ears open. I already knew Davon’s plan. He was going to tell her she could suck his big black cock, and then he would fuck her – but ONLY if she would give him a blumpkin! I smiled again at his willingness to be evil with and for me, when I hear gagging from the back room! Kim runs out, and I pretend to be concerned, calling after her, “Kim, what’s the matter? Are you ok?”
Davon comes out of the back room, cock hanging out of his pants, laughing his ass off! He finally manages to stammer out “oh my God girl, you shoulda seen the look on her face when I came and shit at the same time! The smell was unbelievable! Probably all those burritos with fire sauce you brought me earlier tonight!”
… and the wicked witch known as Kim was never seen again.
=)
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