Cock shrinking isn’t exactly something someone requests from me.  I consider myself a very professional white witch in training, but even I fall victim to the ole two-pages-sticking-together foible. Anyways, let’s make a long story out of this short story because you came in wanting one thing and got another, and now you want a refund.  I’m here to help you see the bright side of this little mistake!  That’s right.  Cock shrinking can be a good thing.  How, you ask?… How indeed!  There are so many how’s; I don’t even know where to start!

….

Think of all of the money you’ll save on condoms.  Seriously, did you know one-third of every paycheck goes to condoms alone?!   No?  Well, buddy, I just saved you some real agony there.  Honestly, this is the stuff they don’t tell you on those cock-growing pill bottles. You wouldn’t have wanted a big cock.  It would have just burned a hole in your pocket.

What else?

Weeeeeeeeeeeelllp…..theeeeere’s  alsoooooo……

Seriously, everyone complains about weekends ending just as soon as you start.  Now, with your 1-inch dink, you’ll practically be counting down the minutes.  Think of the hours and hours you’ll have to do anything else but fuck.  I’m jealous of YOU, actually.  I fuck hot gu- I mean, losers with big dicks nearly every night, and you know what?  It’s a real problem.  I know what an addict feels like now because I can’t seem to say no to the addiction.  I pop a few in my mouth, pussy, and ass and then wake up feeling tired, out-of-it, and filled with cum.  Just like an addict.  This happens every weekend, and I end up missing out on my true passion; birdhouse building or knitting quietly in the corner.  I mean…they aren’t MY true passions, but I hear that’s what a lot of dickless fucks do.

Now, just like the sign on the front of my shop says, there are no guarantees here.  Still, there is the odd chance that a woman would take one look at your puny penis and feel utterly sorry for it.  I mean, it’s probably MORE likely that she’ll still laugh, but that used to be a certainty.  Now, a second option exists for you.  She might let you take a ride anyway.  I mean, it’s no hair off her back.  She won’t feel it.  She could literally text all the real men she knows who she can meet up with to get the job done right while trying to do your thing.   Then, she’ll politely pat you on the head and be on her way.  If she doesn’t do that and, instead, sticks to just laughing nonstop for a straight half-hour at you…

Who needs us?  We talk way too much anyway.  We’re needy, and we can be so shallow, too.  All we do is get in the way of a good bros night in.  We have a whole THREE holes that need taking care of.  The modern woman is horny as fuck.   We’re constantly asking you to Netflix and chill with us, and there’s hardly any Netflix!  Now, you might say that every one of these problems can be solved with a big fat cock but, in my opinion, say no.  Be done with our nonsense.  Having sex with girls is overrated.  Why bog yourself down with all that drama when you could become the next Pope…wait.  A movie star…hmmm.  President– ooo definitely not…

…That nice guy next door with that weird, oddly extensive collection?  I hear it’s very fulfilling.  So, look on the bright side of your cock shrinking, get on out there, and make the best of your celibate life!  No need to. Thank me, but if you need any more encouragement, call my phone sex line and let me know.