The distinction between “paid sex” and “free sex”? Constructed and misguided at best, in my opinion.
Even before I was a phone sex operator, I was aware of cultural assumptions purporting that some kind of value difference, hierarchy-wise, exists between “free sex” and “paid sex.” According to reigning narratives we’ve all internalized (at least to some degree), the supposed differences go something like this:
Paid sex (supposedly) is . . .
- Less meaningful or “real” somehow
- Something a person must be “desperate” or lacking in a crucial type of social capital/etc to even be paying for in the first place
- A placeholder for a “real” relationship, inherently “fake” in comparison to this imagined Princess Bride-style fantasy
- Somehow inherently exploitative because money is involved
- Somehow always detracting from a sex worker’s agency (at least a little bit, despite everyone’s best intentions)
Free sex (supposedly) is . . .
- Better and/or more valuable (emotional currency-wise, at least) than paid sex, despite it occurring with someone who’s not a professional and with whom you may not have clear, safe and/or mutually respectful boundaries
- Not exploitative in any way (for either party and/or parties involved) because money isn’t exchanged
- Something everyone could receive easily provided they possess certain qualities/conventionally attractive features/etc
- Somehow correlative to a person’s desirable-ness in general, frequency occuring, quality and otherwise
- A thing that actually exists or is un-complexly possible, specifically in some imaginary pure and “untainted” form
Since becoming a professional sex worker here at the magical phone sex line I call home, I have *~cum~* to the conclusion that these controlling schemas are . . . yes, you guessed it (and just as I long suspected) . . . utter BULLSHIT!
Pervasive, misguided “free sex” versus “paid sex” tropes upset me. But what really breaks my (officially cold and unbreakable) humiliatrix heart is a sentiment I hear all too often. It goes something like this:
“Well, I know you probably think I’m pathetic/your callers are pathetic because . . . ”
No, I don’t think that. I can’t speak for all phone sex operators, but if I did think that I wouldn’t love my job as much as I do. If I were to believe this pervasive myth about “what kind of people pay for sex” I would also have to buy into the other part of that story, i.e. the endless cesspool of misogynist garbage about “what kind of people do sex work.”
And I say: FUCK that shit. But hey, that’s just my opinion. What do you think?
