Rate My Cock, Inc ™ – Apply Now!
Your perfect job
Bright and early Monday morning at Rate My Cock, Inc ™, I peeked into the lobby to check out that morning’s applicants. Three handsome young men were already waiting. I knew their names and what they looked like from their application and photos they had submitted. Today was their final interview. We are intentionally vague about the details of the positions, preferring to explain everything in person.
We told them all that if selected, they would be working in quality control. This is probably why they looked a little confused and were sneaking glances at each other for clues. At 9:00 AM, I opened the door that led back to our offices and asked for all of them to follow me to a small conference room.
We had a muscular blonde who we’ll refer to as applicant #101 for privacy. And we had a cute little redhead and a handsome dark-haired guy who we’ll call #102 and #103. We all sat down, and they waited for me to start explaining why they were here at Rate My Cock, Inc ™.
My final interviews always start with the following introduction:
Our company is new and the only one of its kind, so far. We fill a need created by the increasing competition on dating and hook up apps, a desire for jobs in the adult industry, the emergence of a culture driven by ratings, and possibly just a need for an individual’s self-awareness. A good rating from us can be just the thing to push you ahead of the competition.
You already know that the company is called RMC, Inc., but you don’t know what that stands for. The long name of the company is Rate My Cock, Inc ™. Think of us as the Yelp of cocks. We already know that you’re all on Grindr and that you are all, shall we say, comfortable around cocks.
And we also know you have an interest in quality control since you responded to our job posting for QA representatives. That’s precisely what you’ll be doing. #101 and #102 looked like they wanted to high five each other, but #103 seemed a little hesitant.
Rate My Cock, Inc ™ – A live demonstration
He asked what #101 and #102 failed to ask. “How exactly will we be judging quality here at Rate My Cock, Inc ™?” “That’s a great question,” I said. I then explained that we were going to have a live demonstration of the process for them to observe.
I led them further into our offices and stopped at what looked a lot like a medical office but without the exam table. This particular office had an observation window so that we could watch but not disturb #30 (the RMC associate) or the customer.
Soon a good looking young staff member walked in the room with a customer behind him as I started to explain the process as it was happening. The customer has already paid online – $500.00 for the service.
Next, the customer is asked to drop his pants and get himself hard while #30 gets everything ready. If the customer has trouble with that, he can help him, but it results in a small deduction in points.
First, some measurements.
Once the customer is ready, #30 will use all of the tools on that tray to make some measurements. First, he uses the measuring tape to find the length and circumference – no cheating here! Then he uses a particular caliper to precisely measure the width.
You may have noticed that #30 has been stroking the customer’s cock the whole time he’s been measuring.
He does this for a couple of reasons. First, to observe whether or not there is precum during a handjob (this adds points). And two, to make sure he can last a reasonably long time. We’ve had clients cum during the measurement phase, which does not result in a good score at all.
To finish out the observation phase, #30 makes notes about the shape, curve, prominence of veins, and, most importantly, the size of the head. Next, #30 is on his knees to start the performance phase of the rating. He takes the customer’s cock in his mouth and starts a regular blowjob. The customer subtly starts pushing his cock deeper into # 30’s mouth, prompting him to expertly take the cock as far as it will go down his throat.
A little misstep
Then he got really excited about this and started vigorously fucking his throat without being prompted to do so. The customer finally came, and #30 swallowed every drop. He then let the customer know that he would get his score in about an hour.
“The score is actually calculated within minutes, but we prefer that the customers not be in our office when they get their score,” I explained. The customer then zipped up and left.
As usual, the applicants looked pretty overwhelmed. As I led them out, I told them all that they were hired if they were interested in the job duties. “If you want to join the RMC ™ team, just show up on Monday morning to begin training,” I told them.
Next up at Rate My Cock, Inc ™: Training… Duh. And what was that customer’s score?
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